A major challenge facing couples in Nigeria is having babies before they are ready. And the child is always the worst sufferer of that lack of preparedness.
It’s one of the most beautiful and irreversible things two people can do together: have a baby. There are, however, couples who have to deal with family stress, cultural pressures, and societal expectations to have kids before they are ready, so many homes begin to divide before they even get to school. Fortunately, there are indicators of readiness. If both you and your partner can confidently answer yes to all 5, you are on solid ground.
You Have Had the Real ConversationsÂ
Not the sweet talk — the challenging kind. Couples who are ready have discussed pre-conception issues of finances, parenting, discipline, religion, and family involvement. You have mentioned who will be at the delivery and for how many days after. You have discussed with your partner whether you would want to continue to work after the birth of your baby.
You have openly faced the culture-driven pressures of extended families in new parenthood without evoking any apologies. If you and your partner can have a difference of opinion on these points and still find a compromise that works for you, then you’re truly prepared. The couple that does not have these conversations before pregnancy is normally the first to have them after delivery, when it is loud and not for anyone.
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Your Relationship Can Stand Stress
A baby doesn’t cure an ailing relationship—it magnifies all the cracks in it. After the delivery, sleep deprivation, financial stress, hormonal changes, and loss of personal freedom all coincide. Aside from the parenting issues that most parenting resources cover, Nigerian couples have extra pressures to contend with: unwelcome family advice, over-engaged in-laws, and the cultural burden of doing it right by the community. When a relationship has endured conflict, disagreement, and external stress and still manages to hold together, it’s a positive indicator that it is ready. If one tends to pick on the other during a crisis, he or she will pick on the other during the chaos of parenthood.
You have the financial stability to tell the truth
In Nigeria, it is not necessary for one to be rich to become a baby. However, it’s important to be truthful about what you do have. The costs of antenatal care, hospital delivery, baby equipment, and the first year of infant feeding can be substantial, and many couples are surprised by the expense. The delivery in a private hospital (excluding complications) in Lagos alone ranges from ₦300,000 to ₦1.5m.
Medical checkups, clothing, diapers, and baby formula can be expensive in an ever-rising price economy. Financial preparedness isn’t about having it all sorted out. It means understanding your numbers, having a plan, and being prepared to tweak it without faultfinding when costs change unexpectedly.
You Both Actually Want This—Not Just One of You
This sign is a no-brainer sort of one, but it is one of the most ignored in Nigerian relationships. Sometimes one partner is forced into an agreement with cultural and family pressure simply because they are not ready for the baby. A consistent message from a mother-in-law, a father’s impatience for grandchildren, or fear of being perceived as a barren or uncommitted parent can lead to decisions that should only come from within the couple.
If both partners are truly feeling the desire to have a baby (not because others expect them to have one, but because they are feeling it), then it’s a much stronger bond. These are not prepared partners. These are not ready partners, just one enthusiastic partner and one reluctant partner. It’s equivalent to resentment in the future.
Your home environment is emotionally safe.
To survive, a baby requires more than just food, clothing, and shelter. A baby’s emotional safety starts with the parent/parents’ relationship. When your household is already in conflict, tension, and/or a communication breakdown, it’s more harm than good to throw a baby into the mix. Emotional safety is when your partner can feel afraid of parenthood without being told that they are wrong. It means that you can have differences without it being a screaming match or days of silence. It means that when the child enters your home, it will be a welcome of warmth and not tension.
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In some African cultures, emotional health is not as significant as financial provision, but children in emotionally unsafe environments bring that legacy with them for a lifetime. A home that feels safe before the baby comes is a home that’s really ready to receive the baby.
One Thing to Carry With YouÂ
Perfection is not ready. There is no perfect time to be a couple, and there’s no perfect time to be a parent. There is a difference, however, between the imperfect readiness and the real unpreparedness. Imperfect readiness is when two people love each other, have had the hard talks, know how they will pay for the relationship, and are making the choice together with open eyes. A real lack of preparation is when two people hope that a baby will solve problems, which will only be exacerbated by a baby.
If you and your partner can check all five points on this list, you and your baby aren’t just prepared for a baby; you are prepared. You’re thinking of starting your family—and there’s no greater bond two people can construct than to build a family.
