You are sitting with your partner after a long day. The television is playing in the background, but neither of you is paying attention.
Your partner is scrolling through pictures of engagement rings and talking excitedly about your future together.
You smile because you are excited too.
However, something keeps bothering you.
You have a personal loan you have not mentioned. You are still paying off a debt. Perhaps you support your parents every month, or you have responsibilities that your partner knows very little about.
Then the question comes to mind.
When should you talk about money?
If you are considering marriage, that conversation should happen before the engagement.
Money may not sound romantic, but it can become an important part of your marriage. The earlier you discuss it, the easier it becomes to understand what you are both committing to.
Why Money Should Be Discussed Before Engagement
In Nigeria, marriage often involves more than two people.
There may be family expectations, wedding expenses, accommodation, transportation, children, religious commitments and responsibilities towards parents or siblings.
Your partner may also have financial responsibilities that existed long before your relationship.
For example, you may be planning your wedding while your partner is still paying a personal loan.
You may be saving for a house while your partner regularly sends money to support family members.
Neither situation automatically means the marriage will fail.
The problem starts when one person discovers these responsibilities after marriage.
That is why financial conversations should happen before you make a lifelong commitment.
Talking about money does not mean asking your partner to show you every bank transaction.
Instead, it means understanding the financial reality you are both bringing into the relationship.
You should know what you are building together.
Talk About How You Grew Up Around Money
One of the easiest ways to start the conversation is by discussing your childhood experiences.
Ask your partner what money was like in their home while growing up.
Was money openly discussed?
Did their parents save regularly?
Did the family struggle financially?
Did they learn to spend freely whenever money was available?
These experiences can influence how you behave with money today.
For example, one person may believe that saving is extremely important because they grew up watching their parents struggle.
Another person may believe that money should be enjoyed because they grew up in a home where financial needs were always provided for.
Neither person is automatically wrong.
However, these differences can create conflict if you do not understand them.
A conversation about your childhood can help you understand why your partner makes certain financial decisions.
Be Honest About Your Current Finances
As the relationship becomes more serious, you need to discuss your current financial situation.
This includes your income, debts, savings and major financial responsibilities.
If you have a loan, say so.
If you are repaying money borrowed from a bank, fintech company, cooperative or family member, your partner should know before marriage.
The same applies to major financial commitments.
Perhaps you are paying school fees for a younger sibling. Maybe you support an elderly parent every month.
You may also have responsibilities connected to a family business or property.
These things can affect your finances after marriage.
Your partner does not necessarily have to agree with every responsibility you have.
However, they deserve to understand what those responsibilities are.
The same applies to your partner.
Do not only ask about their debts.
Be prepared to discuss your own financial situation honestly.
Discuss Your Wedding Expectations
Wedding conversations can become financial conversations very quickly.
In Nigeria, couples may have to plan for traditional marriage ceremonies, civil weddings, church weddings, clothing, food, photography, venue costs and other expenses.
Family expectations can also influence the budget.
This is why you should discuss what kind of wedding you both want before making major commitments.
Do you want an elaborate celebration or a smaller ceremony?
How much can you realistically afford?
Will both families contribute?
Are you planning to borrow money for the wedding?
These questions may not feel exciting when you are imagining your engagement.
However, answering them early can prevent financial pressure later.
A beautiful wedding should not leave you starting married life with debt that you could have avoided.
Talk About Family Responsibilities
This conversation is particularly important for Nigerian couples.
Marriage can change how you approach responsibilities towards your parents and siblings.
You may already send money home every month.
Your partner may also have similar obligations.
Do not assume that marriage automatically means those responsibilities disappear.
Instead, talk about them.
Ask each other what family support currently looks like.
Discuss what you expect to continue after marriage.
You should also discuss how you would handle unexpected family requests.
For example, what happens if a parent needs urgent medical care?
What happens if a sibling needs help with school fees?
You may not have all the answers immediately.
However, discussing these situations helps you understand each other’s expectations.
Decide How You Want to Manage Money
There is no single system that works for every couple.
Some couples prefer joint accounts for shared expenses while maintaining individual accounts.
Others prefer to combine most of their finances.
Some couples keep their money separate and contribute towards agreed household expenses.
The important thing is that you both understand the arrangement.
Talk about rent, food, transportation, utilities, savings and future investments.
Discuss who pays for what.
Also talk about financial goals.
Maybe you want to buy land. Perhaps your partner wants to start a business.
You may want to save for children, travel or further education.
These goals become easier to pursue when you both understand what you are working towards.
Do Not Wait Until After the Wedding
It is easy to think that financial issues will somehow become easier after marriage.
Usually, marriage does not remove financial responsibilities.
Instead, two people’s financial decisions can become connected in new ways.
That is why you should not hide debt because you are afraid your partner will judge you.
You should also avoid pretending to earn more than you do because you want to create a certain impression.
A relationship built around incomplete information can become difficult when reality eventually appears.
Honesty may lead to uncomfortable conversations.
However, uncomfortable conversations before marriage are often better than unpleasant surprises after marriage.
Build Financial Trust Before You Say “I Do”
Talking about money before engagement is not about expecting your relationship to fail.
It is about giving both of you enough information to make a responsible decision.
You are not only choosing someone to share romantic moments with.
You are potentially choosing someone with whom you will make financial decisions for many years.
So, talk about your income.
Discuss your debts, savings and family responsibilities.
Talk about your wedding expectations and future goals.
Most importantly, listen without immediately judging.
You may discover that you have different financial habits.
That does not necessarily mean you are incompatible.
What matters is whether you can discuss those differences honestly and agree on how to handle them.
A strong marriage does not require two people with identical financial backgrounds.
It requires two people who are willing to be honest, plan together and face financial challenges as a team.
Before the ring, the wedding plans and the family celebrations, have the money conversation.
Your future together deserves that level of honesty.
