Deyemi Okanlawon opens up about men’s mental health, therapy, mentors, and why he saves his wife for the moments that truly overwhelm him.
Most people assume a man’s wife is his safe place, the first person he calls when everything falls apart. Nollywood actor Deyemi Okanlawon just challenged that assumption publicly, and the internet has not stopped talking about it.
In a recent interview, the award-winning actor revealed that when life hits hard, his therapist and mentors pick up the phone before his wife even knows something is wrong. But his reason? Far more thoughtful than it sounds.
Deyemi was straightforward about how he sees masculinity. He believes men carry a natural instinct to shield and protect the people around them. That responsibility doesn’t go away just because things get difficult internally.
Here’s where he separates himself from the usual tough-man script, he doesn’t bottle things up. Instead, he built a deliberate support system. A therapist on speed dial. Mentors he trusts. People he can call at his lowest without filtering himself.
That, he says, is how he protects his mental health without pretending the pressure doesn’t exist.
This is the part that made people pause. Deyemi explained that his wife, Damilola, is not left out, she is simply protected first.
He is deeply aware that she carries her own weight every day, managing the home, raising their three sons, and holding her world together. So when something shakes him, his instinct is not to immediately transfer that panic onto her shoulders.
He waits. He processes. He works through it with professionals and trusted voices. And only when the weight becomes truly unbearable does he wake her in the night and say, simply, I need help with this one.
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That is not emotional distance. That is emotional intelligence.
His words sparked real debate online. Some argued that spouses should always be the first call in a marriage. Others felt seen, men who have quietly been doing the same thing, now hearing it named and validated out loud.
Deyemi and Damilola met as Chemical Engineering students at the University of Lagos and married in 2013. By all accounts, theirs is a partnership built on mutual respect. His comments only reinforce that.
