This is a statistic to keep in mind. Couples who know and express the other person’s love language report up to 50% more satisfaction in their relationship. Much more than couples that do not. Half. Yet, many relationships in Nigeria are dissolving without people realizing it. Because they are loving each other in a language that they don’t understand.
The breakup was not the first. It is the gradual, non-aggressive declaration of two people who truly love and care for each other, but both are misreading it.
You buy her a gift. She wanted your time! He plans a whole date night. While she wanted you to shower her with words of love. Nobody is wrong. Nobody is cheating. However, no one feels loved either. Sound familiar?
With long-distance relationships, work, money worries and social media status updates, in 2026, knowing how your partner takes love is no longer a romantic bonus; it’s a survival skill for any serious relationship. If you’ve ever felt that your hard work and effort have gone unnoticed or that your partner is avoiding you in spite of all you do, the cause may not be because of people. It may be just a language issue.
If you want to know what your partner’s love language is without starting a therapy session, here are five ways to do it.
1. Watch What They Complain About Most
This is glaring. And most people just don’t see it. The issue that your partner has the most is almost always a clear indicator of his/her love language. Do you hear this from your partner always, such as “You never tell me you love me” or “You don’t say nice things anymore”? This individual is a word person. “Why are you always on your cell phone when we’re together, or you don’t make time for us?” That’s time that needs to be put to good use screaming for attention.
Whether it’s a bad attitude or the absence of what a person wants, they will complain about it. Your partner’s not only complaining for the sake of complaining. They’re giving you a map, and the X points to where they need to be filled. Next time they mention something they are frustrated about, don’t take offense. Instead, get curious. What does he or she genuinely want under the grievance?
2. Notice How They Naturally Show Love to Others
May I share a secret with you about relationships that has been known for years? Here’s a secret that relationship psychologists have known for years. People give back what they take. Be aware of how your partner treats loved ones, family, close friends, and YOU on your good days.
Is your partner always buying gifts for others that are thoughtful and personal, but not necessarily expensive? Remember her colleague’s birthday and suggest to her that you buy them a gift? Does he prepare excess food and drop it off at a friend’s door who is sick? That’s a gift giver, and if you’re giving gifts, there’s a good chance that getting gifts is important to them as well.
Is your partner always there physically, to help or repair things, to run errands, etc. for people when they need support? The person probably speaks acts of service. They feel loved when you do things for them and not things to them.
3. Ask Them Directly, But Ask It the Right Way
Yes, it is indeed possible to just ask. The manner in which you ask makes a world of difference, though. The question of “What’s your love language?” can seem like a clinical term and an awkward way to ask a question. Rather, have a conversation that comes across as natural.
For example, I think, Do you feel better when I am spending quality time with you or when I do something useful for you? Or put it in terms of a shared memory: “Did you notice I made a surprise dinner? Do you remember, or would you have preferred something different? This has two purposes. It will start the dialogue without much pressure and provide your partner with clear choices to choose from to answer your questions. This is particularly helpful in Nigeria. Where some relationships may not be comfortable to discuss emotions.
4. Take note of their most frequently asked requests
There are complaints, and there are requests, and they’re telling. Do you find your partner frequently asks you to sit with them, watch something together, or be in the same space? Quality time. Does your partner regularly request back massages, hugs, holding hands or an excuse to be physically close? Physical touch is the message that is spoken. Does your partner expect you to do certain things, e.g., “Can you do this for me?” or “I just need you to sort this out” and is genuinely happy/satisfied when you do? They have their own currency, acts of service.
Requests do not equal demands. They are invitations. If your partner keeps asking for the same thing, they aren’t being needy; they are telling you what their needs are. The error is to consider those requests as being optional.
5. Observe Their Reaction When You Miss the Mark
What to do is just as revealing as what not to do. Your partner’s reaction to the feeling of being unloved is as much a reflection on you as it is on them. Does your partner become withdrawn and silent when plans are canceled? Or if you become distracted during time together? Quality time.
Does your partner feel hurt when you forget an anniversary or show up empty-handed when he or she thinks it is a big moment? It means gifts have a great impact on them. Does your partner’s tone of voice change when you haven’t been physically affectionate to them, like holding hands or hugging, for more than a few days? For them, physical connection is at the heart of their connection.
Emotions are information. They aren’t manipulation or overreaction, but it’s your partner’s nervous system saying what it wanted and what it didn’t get. One of the most ignored relationship skills is learning to read those signals without judgment.
It’s by no means a discovery that takes place once and is never revisited. It is a constant discussion; it grows as your relationship grows. Life changes, circumstances change and what seemed of paramount importance at 25 may be different at 35. The idea is to remain curious, attentive and unwavering in your belief that you’re doing your best, but your spouse is doing their best too.
Love is more than a desire. It is a practice. It’s the romances that endure that are the ones where both parties decided to learn each other’s language and continue to speak it on days when it doesn’t seem easy.
